RUNNING OUT

Running out of motivation was my biggest worry for the past couple of weeks. I was desperate enough to google"Motivational quotes to overcome fear of failure". Lol which proved to be quite useful anyway. The quote "It is foolish to fear what you cannot avoid" is now hanging above my study desk.

Anyway, this is not the point of this post.

It's April already, and in another 4 months, I'll turn 20. Wowza. I never saw the symbolical milestones in 16th, 18th, and 21st birthdays, but turning 20 meant that I've spent 2 decades living and breathing. That's quite a bit of time doing insignificant, mundane, and routine stuff. Ha ha.

Catching up on all things recent and relevant, things are...very different from what I imagine them to be. Quoting someone "It is okay to separate, but if it's to the point of discrimination and isolation then it's wrong." I nodded my head to acknowledge my understanding, but never really felt said person's indignation.

However after chancing upon something, I finally understood.

Over the past (almost) 2 decades of insignificant and mundane routines, I have acquired the art of, or character flaw if you may, of escapism. Compartmentalize and throw away and things will be the same as you want them to be. But as nostalgia creeps along, the things you throw always seem to find their way back to you. Not everything, but things regarding people that are still relevant in your life. This comes as a big realization, because you have come to be comfortable with the altered version of things. People and their places, people and their significance, of which you have grown to be comfortable with for a very very long time.

This realization comes along so sudden, I am stuck as to how to proceed.

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And with reluctance to continue analyzing my own thoughts, I shall abruptly end here.