SAD

I think I just found my limit for gore.

Splattering guts and innards? Okay. Severed limbs? Okay. Rotting flesh? Also okay. I mean if you ate all of the above I'm okay with it too. BUT when you eat a bleeding heart with crunchy sound effects that sound like you're munching on celery sticks...well...nice to meet you too, limit.

Thanks ah Supernatural S8.

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Ab: Shall we meet for awhile anyway?
Me: Can la but I thought it's J's birthday party?
Ab: Will you come though? Hahaha
Me: You already put hahaha at the back. You know I don't like parties.
Ab: I know you don't so how.

I suck at socializing with a capital S. Coupled with the fact that meeting new people/hanging out with people I'm not familiar intimidates me a lot more than I'd like to admit.

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My audit lecturer slipped us a piece of local media gossip during lecture. Apparently, 曹国辉 might have had an illegitimate child somewhere.

Me: I always thought that he might have been a closet gay.
Hui: No la! He used to date 郑秀珍 what.
Me: 郑秀珍? Who's that?
Hui: The one that has her own business now?
Me: Oh you mean 何仙姑?
Hui: Bahahahaha you know you just revealed your age right.

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Warning: Depressing to read.

Feeling extremely moody nowadays. Not sure if it's PMS or what but I tend to throw a pity party for myself whenever I'm alone. Not necessarily alone-alone but when I'm disconnected from my surroundings enough to have my moping ability take over and pwn me. I make a list of all the things I dislike about myself, then a list of  how I could change those things I dislike, followed by moping over why I haven't been able to do my best to change stuff I don't like. Go on the internet, look at stuff that makes me feel worse about myself, and then repeat the moping process all over again. And again and again and again.

I feel like talking to someone about it would probably make me feel better but when I'm in moping mode I don't think anyone would give two hoots about my problems anyway, so I don't. And for the other times outside of moping, I simply forget that I just spent most of my day sulking and worrying and feeling sad. Also, I try to minimize human interaction whenever I'm in a funk cause I don't want to get agitated when I don't receive the response I want. And to reduce the snarky level of my replies.

I've contemplated with the idea of writing it down here for a few days but debated against it because I don't like to talk about sad stuff because talking about it and thinking about it only perpetuates it more. Also it's depressing to read. But I'm almost at my limit and venting to inanimate object eliminates the chance of getting aggravated by less than ideal replies so...there. A whole bunch of word vomit about how depressed and sad and moody I've been feeling for no particular reason but the fact that I am throwing myself daily pity parties. Why can't this party be the kind that I am intimidated by and reject to attend?

When are you ever ever going to give your fullest effort in getting what you want in order to make you happy and not convince yourself that mediocrity is equally as satisfying and that you'll never be able to get what you want anyway? You want it, you have to work for it. And moping about it for almost a week now isn't going to get you nowhere but straight to sadness and more sadness and just more moodiness.

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Okay, writing about it really helped. Wonder why I've debated against it in the first place.

Also the blackstone's statutes book for LBO has a ridiculous waiting time. 4 to 6 weeks? Come on. Do you need me to help water that tree you are growing?

Snarky snarky someone's snarky.