Quoting a little Game of Thrones. In this particular episode, Lord Tully has just passed and Catelyn is mourning the loss of her father by the windowsill whilst reminiscing her childhood. The book's description of this part is a hundred times sadder.
But yes. Quite a lot has happened during the past few days and most of it...if not all of it, would seem to take place in my mind. Which sucks because...because it just sucks. But the moment of clarity came quick this time round, and harsher, I would suppose. Back paddling is never ever a good idea. Pondering about the what-ifs and attempting to even manifest one of those what-ifs is never a good idea. Attempting to change the course of something which has played out the same way time and time again is never a good idea.
Joy Division's words are more than apt.
Why is the bedroom so cold?
Turned away on your side.
Is my timing that flawed?
Our respect run so dry?
Yet there's still this appeal,
That we've kept through our lives.
Love, love will tear us apart again.
Love, love will tear us apart again.
Do you cry out in your sleep?
All my failings exposed...
Gets a taste in my mouth
As desperation takes hold.
Why is it something so good
Just can't function no more?
By the way, this is the only song outside of their Unknown Pleasures album that I can really get into.
Now that that's all over, it's time to (try) and cheer myself up (a little) with some pop punk. The classic The Middle by Jimmy Eat World. It just takes some time/Little girl, you're in the middle of the ride/Everything, everything will be just fine/Everything, everything will be all right, all right. A very cherry song that puts me in a better mood for 2 minutes and 46 seconds.
These two songs are probably the saving grace of a very, very, very stupid mistake.
/Deep sigh.
4am. The ramblings of this post is most definitely accredited to being awake at 4am.
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