When I imagine us together

Sometimes it takes a leap of faith to make things happen, and sometimes, courage.

When i made that decision, i did not have faith in what was built between us, neither am i brave enough to believe that it will last. I used to, though. Sometimes i do wonder, if this decision was regrettably the dumbest one I've ever made. Not having the faith to see the whole thing through. Denying either of us a chance. People quarrel, people make up. And perhaps the reason i gave, wasn't very much comprehensible to you either, hence leading to the situation today.

I used to think i am strong, and that i wouldn't be crying over such things for long. Because after all, no one is indispensable, and if we didn't make it through the second try, i guess we just weren't meant. But many a times when i picture past scenarios, memories, and moments with you, i just can't help but bawl my eyes out.
You played a very important role in my life, and i relied a lot on you to get through many rough moments. When you were gone, the void was very much...intolerable, to say the least. It was tough getting by rough moments, to desperately want to break down in your arms, to want to seek your advice, to yearn for your comfort. Hah, it's still pretty tough getting by those moments now.

But that aside, i have to face reality still no? Seeing the situation now, it's pretty much impossible for things to go back to the past. We're now mere strangers. No, make that strangers who know each other's names. It's so awkward, it takes a courage of a lion to maintain eye contact for more than 3 seconds. Everything was impeccable before. Until....stuffs happened. Stuffs that broke us down, or at least just me. Things were happening at such a rapid pace, i couldn't keep up with you at all. You changed, i changed. We both fell for the one we met in secondary school, like how i mistook you for someone else and did ushering duty together with you in secondary 2. Or how i used to make you piggy back me (of cuz, that was 10kg ago, hahaha). Or how we used to play soccer with a crushed can under the void decks. Or wander off separately in the park, seeing if we could find each other based on gut feeling. Those were few of the many cherished moments we had, and I'm thankful for that.

I guess till now its very awkward and some sort embarrassing to look at you, just because the guilt in me is eating me up. Cause i felt as though I've let the both of us down by making that decision. Not that i regret it though, not entirely, but at times i do. I hope that from this short span of 2 years, I've made you a better person, just like how you've made me a better person. I still carry those flaws you pointed out to me, like being very sensitive, but I've become less loud and obnoxious too, and more truthful to myself. We were close to perfection, but i guess we weren't lucky enough to make it last. At least luck wasn't by my side. I hope you'll find a much better one in the future, and be happy with whatever decision you may make. I'll be getting on my way too. I just hope that occasionally you'll think of me, and whenever those moments may be, i hope that it'll be good thoughts. ;)

Lots of love,
Me.