Anticipation

Told myself that I'll convert my sleeping habits back to normal by this week. As in sleep before 12am. So far, not succeeding. Friday saturday sunday monday.

Monday and I'll finally start school. Like after so long of living in my comfort zone and significantly decreasing my contact with people, I have to face the fear of exposing myself to different people. Which really isn't a problem to me until a random conversation with T. Well..he made things sound a little bit different than I would imagine it to be. Not too bad to have a different perspective but then again it breeds this unknowing apprehension and fear of meeting people with fucked up experiences and then I'm like doomed to mix with around with all these people and what if I cannot stay true to myself and succumb to the influences around me and change into someone I wouldn't like to change into?

I like to stay in on the weekends. Go shopping alone. Finish reading 3/4 of my newly bought books and leaving 1/4 of it unread because I hate to finish a story I like too quickly. (E.g. Everything is Illuminated by Jonathan Safran Foer. I've about 5 more chapters to go and I cannot bear to finish the goddamn book. It's been like what, over a year already? I've re-read snippets of my favourite sections, finish watching the film, yet I cannot bear to finish reading the book. ARGH)

I don't like crowds. I don't really like parties (feel extremely awkward and uneasy). I don't fancy partying the night away. Not so much about the alcohol issue but more go the ambiance? A pub is much more comfortable for me. Well for one you can actually get a decent conversation going on. Never been drunk and wasted. Don't wish to be.

So how do I fit into a crowd full of party people if things are really the way T said?? What I got from the conversation was that the easiest way to make friends was to go "You got club? Wed ai mai?". Which makes my icebreaker methods a total joke in comparison cause I plan to either

1) Borrow stationery from the person beside me
2) Drop my pen and ask the person to help me pick it up (thereby creating conversation starter)
3) Pretend to be confused at what the lecturer is saying and double confirm with the person beside me
4) Just something normal

Wa boh kat teh clubbing wu si mi hoh leh. Li ai gao peng you, ki club, tia wu li eh peng you gong eh weh meh? Ying gup an neh dua xia, long zhong lim jiu, ma na eh sai hoh hoh seh seh gong weh liao gai dui bang? Si mm si tiong kim eh lang xuan peng you si ai hi kuan ai zai sat sat, ka na jin eh sai eh?

I'm guessing only ger and pei can decode the previous paragraph but if you can, you'd understand my...worry/frustration/complex thingy.

xx cross fingers and hope for the best man.