DISTANCE

What determines familiarity and distance? Is it time, or is it our state of mind? Do we not feel the same way about familiar childhood memories, just because we are way past that time? No. So why should anything else be the same. But time is relative. And I am having a problem accepting the relativity.

I have not been sad for a long time but right now, I am sad. Sad, frustrated, pent up, and more than anything, hurt. It may or may not be the truth. And I probably need to learn to listen to my own advice that people mean different things at different times. But once again, I am having an extremely hard time coming to terms with that.

I feel that things are never a problem until someone decides to acknowledge it as one. Because before that, everything is just a phase, a state of being, but never a problem. Problems suck. So no problemo = good times. Go along with the conservative's take on the economy that let the economy be, and it will work itself out. But the economy doesn't have wild thoughts going off in just about every other direction and feelings, does it. So maybe the conservatives' theory is losing its mojo here.

But the point is.

I am upset and am falling into the cycle of denial, doubt, guilt, anger, and then trying to pinpoint and figure things out with my overwhelming mind and heart which worsens things by a million. Repeat the cycle as many times as I need to get to the i-am-too-tired-to-care state and then forget about it entirely after that. Thanks to a masterclass, I am now at the repeating stage. Hahaha.

I just need one more cycle of trying to figure things out and nitpick fault out of myself before giving up entirely and leaving it to the universe to let things fall into their place.

If it's meant to be, it's meant to be. And like what someone told me, if the person means that much to you, all these feelings wouldn't matter in the end and things will work themselves out. Things will find the reset button and make everything okay. And if it doesn't, I'll just deal with it when the time comes.

I hope the conservatives will be right about this.

And this would be the last I speak of it because it saddens me and shortens my state of mind to that of a 3 year old. Hungry, sad, even sadder, mighty wailing, tired, repeat infinitely. So yes. I promise ze one who's going to see this. Trying not to think too much about things and just let it be and...and not speaking about it after I get things off my chest would be the first step in the right direction.

Since sad = no bueno for The Secret, I will end a sad day after another 17 hours allowance of moping and wallowing in my sad emotions time. Prom prom.

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