FIFTY

Came across an article that made me go...

Apparently there is a anti-pornography organisation in Washington that is attacking the upcoming movie, Fifty Shades of Grey (in case you have been living under a rock, it is a popular erotic novel centered around BDSM).

This is a little quote from them:

 "With the popularity of this book, mainstream opinion-makers (like Oprah, the Today Show and Broadway) are telling the public (especially youth) that humiliation, degradation and torture in sex is normal and to just give it a try."

....what? 

First off, who defines the normality of sex anyway? What people choose to do in the privacy (or not, if you are into that) of their bedrooms is none of your business. They do not need to adhere to your standards of appropriateness, nor is there a need for one. The only thing that is absolutely necessary when it comes to anything remotely sexual, is mutual consent, meeting of the legal age requirement, and using proper protection against sexually transmitted diseases and unwanted pregnancies. What's it to you if someone is into the concept of dominance and subservience? This is a book-based movie acted out by good looking people about BDSM, not some donkey fucking tradition. So sit your asses (lolol) down and chill the fuck out.

Secondly, I'm pretty sure no one in the mainstream media, especially Oprah, is actually explicitly telling the youth of the world to give BDSM a try. Doing a promotional media stint is not equivalent to sending everyone home with a care package filled with latex and whips while screaming "You get a BDSM package! You get a BDSM package! And you get a BDSM package!".

Thirdly, if they truly want to attack the movie, it should be because it is based off a shitty book and shitty books should not be made into movies (*cough* twilight *cough*). Side tracking a little, I have tried (and failed) on multiple occasions to sit through an entire Twilight movie. I just can't. The bland dialogue, the even blander acting, and the fact that it is based on an extremely stupid premise that feeds off young girls' puberty struggles and low self-esteem by creating an extremely vague and average, a one-size fits all character for 15 year old girls to live vicariously through. Add in a 17 year old looking centenarian whose sole purpose in life seems to be to protect and feed as much attention as possible to the girl...and a worldwide phenomenon is created. Fifty Shades of Grey is just the adult version of Twilight. It plays into the bedroom struggles of adults while providing a literary escape for the those who wouldn't mind a handsome, wealthy businessman with a bad boy edge to sweep them off their feet and satisfy their libido. This is what both the Twilight and Fifty Shades of Grey books are: Unchallenging, uninspiring, contains little to no educational value piece of sorry ass literature that somehow, manages to get published and made into movies.

So don't protest against sexually explicit movies. Protest against shitty stories that are written into multiple books, which will then be made into multiple movies, which will then haunt the cinema screens worldwide for years to come.

JJ LIN

Just finished watching Eastern Promises, a 2007 film (very dope, although I wished that it was 30 minutes longer) about the lesser known but much more fearsome Russian Mafia.

Which then led me to sit through a 90-minute long documentary called Thieves by Law, or Vory V Zakone in Russian. The documentary isn't all that revealing about the history and background of the Russian Mafia and how they run their operations, but it does give you a slight peek into the psyche of some of the mobsters.

But this isn't the point of the post.

At the 27-minute mark of the documentary, the video cuts to show a man named Edik, who happens to be one of Vitaly Dymochka's henchman. Side note, Dymochka is a Russian mobster and crime boss...as well as a writer/director/producer of a short TV series called Spets. The TV show was created out of Vitaly's displeasure towards how organized crime was portrayed on television, so he shelled out money from his own pocket to shoot a seven part series which aims to educate viewers about the reality of the Russian underworld.

Good to know that someone is finally doing something to raise awareness about the misrepresentation of Russian mobsters in today's film and television

But back to Edik the henchman. 27 minutes in, the documentary shows Edik eating some soup, and then his phone rings. And then my jaw pretty much fell to the fucking ground. Because some henchman living in Ussuriysk, Russia, which by the way, is 8922km away from Moscow, has JJ Lin's 曹操 as his fucking ringtone. I'm not motivated enough to google the lyrics to the song, but I'm pretty sure the chorus goes something like "blah blah blah blah, 分三国, blah blah blah blah blah blaaaah blaaah". Each blah corresponds with what I remember the lyrics to be like, because I'll have you know that I was quite the JJ Lin fan back when I was 15. But I digress.

By the close to impossible chance that JJ Lin is reading this, I would like to say the following to him.

Dear JJ, I would like you to know that the multitude of musical accolades you have sitting at home mean nothing. The plentiful nominations and long ass articles published, all of which sings the praises of your musical talents mean nothing. Even the time when you finally got your way and acted all cutesy on stage with Hebe on a swing with a cup of tau huey zui means nothing.

Click on the documentary, fast forward it to the 27-minute mark, and savour the moment. Save the video, screen cap the moment, frame it, and bask in what would be your eternal glory. This is your one true defining moment. If there was any doubt or hesitation that you or anyone might have towards your musical success, just remind yourself that somewhere out there, a Russian henchman is rocking out to your song before bashing someone's kneecaps in with a baseball bat.

You've made it dude. You really have.

That is, unless the FSB has 舞娘 blasting through their offices la. Hahahahaha.

FUENTES

This is how much my attention span has receded (pun intended, you'll realise soon enough). I'm suppose to collate and refresh a bunch of organic chemistry notes I have sitting in a folder, which really isn't all that much considering it's mostly just copying and pasting things together.

But whaddayaknow. The following is a list of things I have done since embarking on this task, which in hindsight is probably why I'm still not done, but let's go through them nonetheless shall we.

1. Two Joe Rogan podcasts, which are both 3 hours long. So that's a total of 6 hours down the drain and I'm still left with a good 35% to completion.

I say the next point with great sheepishness so try to keep that in mind before judging me.

2. Two big plastic mugs of cheap merlot and...red grape juice mixed together. Now, I'm pretty sure this information is enough to anger some dead french wine connoisseur somewhere so much that he comes back to life, flies over, stuffs me in a wine barrel and proceeds to kick-roll me through a vineyard in a quaint french countryside so that my screams for help cannot be heard but I have my reasons.

Reason 1: The biggest liquid containing cylinder I had at home happens to be a plastic mug.
Reason 2: I needed wanted to finish up the juice. And the wine. So in my infinite ingenuity, I...

You know what. I'll just climb into the barrel myself.

3. A singular kinder bueno stick. And resisting the urge to finish the other stick.

4. Googled "king tut recreation" because it was mentioned on the podcast and marvelled over the pictures of his side profile. Is this another side effect of years of royal incentuous relationships? Also, can anyone just spell Tutankhamen offhandedly?

5. Listening to metal and post-hardcore music because I thought that the incessant screaming is going to help with my concentration and motivation. That only lasted for about 3 songs in before I googled the lyrics to Hold On Till May, read most of Vic Fuentes' Wikipedia page, and then discovered this gem of a tumblr page because it showed up as a related search.

fuckyeahvicfuentesbaldpatch

This is an entire tumblr page dedicated to Vic's bald spot, which as recommended, should be caressed when presented with the opportunity.

Lolol I literally can't with this tumblr page. A blog solely centered around a ridiculous subject ran by someone with a great sense of humour, along with ridiculously funny anonymous submissions. A prime example:

Is there anything funnier than irrational anger? The giggles from this page are endless.

6. Proceeded to google Marilyn Manson and found out that he would be in the upcoming final season of Sons of Anarchy. Side note, I am very very dreading the end of SoA. The script is great, the acting is impeccable, and the music on the show is one of the best out there as far as television series goes. Kurt Sutter is a genius.

7. This blog post.

It is now 2.23am and the 35% still remains uncompleted. God dammit.

HOLES

Spending my Friday morning aggressively but strategically enlarging the pre-existing holes in my jeans.

Because spending money on clothing that have intentionally made holes just isn't enough waste of money.

I wonder if this is how rockstars spend their Friday mornings.

MEAT

Today marks the 3rd day after my wisdom tooth surgery and I am wide awake at 3.42am after trying to fall asleep since 1am.

I am 100% serious when I say that I want nothing more right now than for the following 5 things.

1) The swelling to go away because right now I look like I permanently have a marble stuck in my right cheek. Or am in an abusive relationship. Or GSP in every fight he has been in because that dude bruises as easily as a very ripe banana.

2) My stitches to be removed. I really, really want them to be removed because shit's annoying as hell. My dentist went to town with them and it makes it impossible to align the top and bottom rows of my teeth comfortably. Or to sleep with my mouth closed through the whole night. Or for me to eat meat because I cannot chew properly/pain-freely.

3) Grilled crabsticks. Those artificial crab meat dyed a potentially poisonous red that financially strained students buy to their bbq gatherings. I very rarely eat them (save for the ones in cheap sushi) but I have been craving grilled crabsticks since a few months ago and that craving has not been satisfied. This has only been amplified during this (gastronomically) trying period.

4) Meat.

5) Meat.

I would fail terribly at all types of vegetarianism. Also, this post is very first world problem worthy.

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*GoT SPOILER ALERT*

(But seriously, The Watchers on the Wall episode aired last week. Just watch it already.)

The episode thoroughly satisfied my Styr obsession, aka tall and huge bald men with a very intimidating presence, preferably with no affiliation to white supremacist gangs. Plus I was very happy with the way he was killed, all in it's bloody and violent glory with a hammer through the head.

Giggity.

This episode is my favourite thus far - how could it not be? It is filled with so many freaking awesome fighting scenes and epic dialogues and CGI goodness.

Side note, this happened.

(Ser Alliser rallying his men moments before the Thenns attacked)

Ser Alliser:  Those are Thenns on our walls, they eat the flesh of the men they kill! Do you want to fill the belly of a Thenn tonight? Tonight we fight!

This was the exact response I had in my mind.

Eh....depends? Do they cook their enemies alive? I really have no qualms with them eating me after I die. Just don't grill me over an open flame when my nervous system is still working. I mean, the men of the Night's Watch aren't exactly waiting to be commemorated for years to come under an artisan made tomb stone/statue right.

(Time check: 5.10am...my mind is very much scrambled so I will just move on. Takeaway point: SUPER AWESOME EPISODE.)

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A short documentary I watched recently about rehydrating corpses for identification purposes.

And an example of my sense of (inappropriate) humour because this has been cracking me up for days after. You best believe that I giggle uncontrollably every time I think about it.

I contributed to the 15.

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My annoyance at my stitches is at it's all time high right now. Bloody balls.