Tell-Tale Heart

Heads up: This is going to be one long wordy-ass post that will bore your eye sockets to death.

Left work earlier to meet pei to hand in the remaining documents for school. Can't believe that I'll be starting school this coming Aug!

Feeling apprehensive + nervous + slightly excited at the thought of meeting new people and making new friends. I know, I know, it sounds exactly like what a sec 1 kid would say. But I've grown to be comfortable around minimal people and just the thought of putting yourself out there, making yourself susceptible to nasty people, having to probe through the unknown terrain of strangers and new characters...eh if I have the choice I'd really really NOT do it.

Ex-friends who turned out to be petty and malicious, long-time frienD who turned out to be one back-stabbing motherfucker (URGHHHHH CEK GEK MAX!!!!). I'd like to think that the occasional ignorant characters I've met haven't affected me much 'cept to shake up my judgement a little bit. But lets face it. Ever since those incidents and a albeit short streak of bad judgements made, there's this incessant fear that many, if not all, of my future friends-to-be would be the same. They would turn out to be childish and narrow-minded.

Ok Meishan, DON'T JUMP THE GUN ON YOUR FUTURE FRIENDS. PLEASE.

Aiya but there's just that doubt ever since those incidents. It's very pointless to mule over insignificant people. Ok ok block those nasty thoughts!!!!!!!!1111 (lol @ the self-conflicting conversation I'm having with myself)

And then there is the issue of comfort zone. Maybe it's the fact that I haven't been hanging out with people <25 enough ever since I start work. In case you don't know everyone here calls me 小妹. I haven't heard that since lower secondary so go figure whats the mean age of my colleagues here. Haha. But ya!!! I don't want to appear un-fun and anti-social leh. But then that would compromise my comfort zone and force me to step out and....*gulps air* socialize.

I'm bad with anything new. New technology, new games, new names, new addresses, new people. I am thinking very hard now how I met my close friends in the first place but I'm guessing I wasn't as withdrawn last time. Before the daunting fact occurred to me that people can indeed exceed all expectations to be vile and scheming.

So how??

I'll do just fine right? *fingers crossed* Ok I'll just rant out all the worries that have been bugging me and hopefully I'll feel better. Get my blood sugar levels pumpin' and I'll be out of my comfort zone in a quickie. Yesssss yes yes. Ok stop the self-hypnosis now.

Okay, so now everything's pretty much done and done. Self-debating was relieving.

xxxxx