Ruffled mind, restless pillow

Caught 1) No Strings Attached, 2) 127 Hours, 3) The Adjustment Bureau and 4) Gnomeo & Juliet.

I need more than 4 movies to distract myself from the impending doom in bout...16-17 hours time.

I've never prayed so hard in my entire life before. Really. There's nothing more that I want than for my grades to be decent enough to get me somewhere. I've done all that I can, and I absolutely suck at the whole pick-yourself-up-after-a-tragic-blow thing. So I really, really, really hope that it all turns out well. I studied myself to the bones, gave it all I can, and all I can do now is pray that it'll all turn out well.

If not I think I'd sink into seclusion and...and....I feel so clueless right now.

Sometimes, okay. Most of the time, I'd like to think that I am strong enough emotionally and mentally to handle the different obstacles one faces in real life. And because so, I seldom allow myself to break down uncontrollably or just let my true feelings show in front of anyone else except for myself.

Few (like finding water in a desert kinda few) of my close friends have ever seen me at my most vulnerable. And I hope to keep it that way even after tomorrow.

So please just...I just really hope that all my grades are alright. They don't have to be fantastic, but just alright. Yknow, Bs and Cs and like maybe just 1 D??? :(

To digress off topic for a little bit, I feel really hurt when people don't put themselves in my shoes and just put in the effort to feel how I feel.

I'd like to think that every time a close friend confides in me/complains bout something/pours her worries to me, I'll fully indulge myself in filling heir shoes and feel their anger, pain and frustration. More than often I get even angrier than them. And if I cannot relate, I compensate by sending long comforting messages, giving them my full pov on the whole topic and checking on them to see if they are alright.

If I don't consider you as my close friend, I wouldn't even bother with listening to you in the first place. It would be nice to be able to receive some sort of reciprocation, especially when you are my close friend. It may sound selfish but it's almost an expectation from me that you'll be equally caring towards my worries as I am towards yours. And right now it pretty much feels like...no one gives a shit.

Maybe I am just bad at expressing my worries, or I seem...cool enough to be sufficient with a "don't worry too much" reply, or perhaps there isn't anything else to say anyway because what's done is done and nothing can be changed and worrying wouldn't make it better.

But even so, I am really wishing that those close to me would show just a teeny weeny tad more concern eh?

I'm not angry or anything, I just need comfort from people I love. :( Or maybe it's just the pre-results nerves that are getting to me, making me antsy and anxious and extremely frustrated.

I don't fucking know lah. Okay whatever it is I just hope tomorrow's gonna turn out well. I really really hope.