CONTROL

I feel sad, again. And this seems to be a recurring emotion that I've been feeling for awhile now.

I don't have a concrete reason why I feel this way, but I do. Life has been going through the motions everyday until the day is over, with sadness being a constant at the door.

I feel inadequate.
I feel unsatisfied.
I feel shortchanged.
I feel alone.

There are happy times, of course, but those happy moments are oft fleeting and momentarily. I feel like I'm being fed these happy times just enough to keep me going through the misery.

Does anyone ever truly cares? I feel like people only care out of obligation. Obligation because they are related to you. Obligation because they spend too much time with you.

People don't care. They just don't.

I want to die.

NULL

I am upset. Mostly stress, but mainly upset.

What went wrong?

BALLS. Exercise balls.

I say the most inappropriate things at the worst timings.

Me at the gym, to the gym manager: Wa why are your balls* so shiny? Do you guys polish them?

*- EXERCISE ball

Gym manager: Huh?

Me: EXERCISE BALLS. This one. The bouncy one. The...okay you know what just shoot me.

To be fair it was pushing 10pm and I have not been sleeping enough for the entire week due to work. But alas...the words... 😂

DEFENSE

Defense mechanisms - everyone has them. It can be enacted in almost any circumstance, but the binding factor would always be to protect one's ego. I used to be very indecisive about what my own defense mechanism was - which ranges from a conceited, holier-than-thou thought of "I don't think I have one leh.", to a I-should-be-banished-to-hell-for-even-coming-up-with-something-like-that.

In light of recent events, I think I might have finally settled on what my defense mechanism is. It is, to the best of my abilities, the English language. 

An English major I am definitely not - but my first line of defence in any potentially ego-hurting situation is to revert to the English language and state my point (maybe throw in a little passive-aggressiveness while I'm at it) across, while using as many cheem English words as possible. This is to ensure that I sufficiently coat my point in a thick layer of caustic sarcasm before I proceed to show the other party up.

This might prove to be slightly deceitful, especially when I'm a huge supporter proper communication. But hey... A girl's gotta have her petty moments once in awhile.

I was this *barely placing my thumb and index finger together* close to using ad nauseam to reiterate my point in a recent disagreement of sorts, but have decided against it since I've already used "prosaic". Just imagine the amount of passive aggressiveness and shade that I was throwing whilst getting my point across.

The point of this post is for me to own up to my own defense mechanism, and to relinquish any residual pettiness that I might still harbour within me. 

Annnnd...I think I'm done for the day.

OUTLET MALL

Me @7.30pm: 

*googling directions to a premium outlet mall in Tokyo* *scrolling through the store directory whilst trying not to drool*

Will it be too much to drag him out for shopping? To be fair, you can see Mt. Fuji really clearly from the outlet mall too. So........ *twiddles thumb*

Also me, 2 hours later: 

"Do you want to spend half a day* at a premium outlet mall? They have a ton of sports shops** too. Adidas, nike, reebok, puma...you name it."

*conveniently makes the duration an estimate and very vague

**conveniently leaves out the other 200 girl shops that are listed in the directory

BUT to be fair, Mt. Fuji doe. You can really see the mountain clearly from the outlet mall from all the pictures I've been browsing through. Hehe.

MYSELF

Who else still reads this space anymore? 

I've contemplated about deleting the blog some time back, but I just couldn't get around to doing it. For years, it has been an online platform for me to document my thoughts, my feelings, my experiences. Through my many ups and downs, this blog has always been the saving grace of some of the happiest and saddest times of my life.

I've fallen off the writing wagon for awhile now, especially since I've started working. I no longer look forward to recording down the things that make me happy, and would only turn to this space in times of frustration and sadness. I was browsing through my last few posts when I realised that for awhile now, I haven't been truly honest, or happy, with myself.

In fact, I'm starting to not like the Mei Shan today very much. I don't know when, or how, but I've seemed to lost myself along the way. It might be because of this new relationship, or how the inner circle of my life has shifted who knows when, but I feel like I've lost my way in life somehow. I've lost my sense of independence, my control over my own emotions and happiness, and most importantly, my pride. I've lost what it means to be Me.

I've allowed something unplanned to take over my thoughts and emotions, allowing it to dictate how I act and how I feel, and making me feel like my sense of self - my worth - is dependent on it's very outcome. I've tried talking about it - I did, but it's to no avail. I always end up making excuses or hiding the way I truly fail. Truth is, I feel ashamed for letting it take over my life the way it did.

It has nothing to do with its progression, or its status, or anything. It has everything to do with how I have been handling things. Those hours spent thinking about the possible outcomes of something and analysing things to their microscopic form, hours spent worrying about the outcomes of things I cannot control, hours googling "how to deal with xxx" because apparently, I've lost the ability to deal with my own feelings and emotions...hours upon hours, lost. Those times where I could have done something for myself or people around me, but instead, I've wasted it over something that I've allowed to completely take over my life. Lost. I've lost all those time and I've lost my sense of self.

I'm not sure if I have ever felt this way but I am truly, truly, disappointed and upset at myself. And that is probably the root to all that I've been feeling.

I'm not sure how to move on from here, or how to pick myself up, but I guess writing in a neglected space for one - would be a start. 

FORMS

Struggling to complete a performance development assignment and these are the following that I have completed since 12.30am:

1) Showered and washed my hair.
I know, I know, I am a pig who rolls around in her own filth up to the absolute last minute until someone (my brother) goes to the bathroom and I decide that I'm gonna fight the person (my brother) for it. I'm 23. I still don't know why I willingly choose to fight over bathrooms.

2) Opened up the assignment and started on it.
Oh, I also decided to make myself a cup of iced coffee because yknow, what's a better way to screw up your sleeping clock?

3) Opened up the Spotify app.
I thought that having music playing while I work would make me more productive. Apparently my procrastination is immuned to any productivity attempts past 12.30am, because I then proceeded to create a rap/hip-hop playlist on my account and named it Hotline Bling (courtesy of Drake, of course). I have about 39 songs on my playlist right now.

4) More of 2).
I finished my iced coffee. Caffeine effect is slowly kicking in because I am getting turnt up, by myself, in front of a PDF document, with Drake and Big Sean encouraging me in the background. (Blessings is playing right now, if you are curious)

5) Moved on from rap to Mariah Carey.
Best of Mariah Carey, I might add. And googling the lyrics of "We Belong Together" so I can sing the song more accurately. The playlist is currently at "Touch My Body" and I cannot listen to the song with a straight face because all I can picture is that Korean dude singing.

Time check: 2.45am

I'll check back in about 1 hour and hopefully I'll be done by then.

----------------------------------------------------

The above was typed on Friday morning, and here I am on Sunday attempting to finish, yet another incomplete post cause your girl must have knocked the fuck out right after completing the assignment.

Went for my...sixth(?) driving lesson and I am starting to realise that I *miiiiight* have a reckless bone in me when it comes to driving.

*Me at a 2-way stop sign*
*Slowly inching my way forward cause I was just releasing the clutch*
*Instructor slams on the brakes*
Instructor: Eh!!! You can't go yet!!!
Me: Huh?? Why not!
Instructor: *points to a truck and a lorry simultaneously coming from both sides*
Me: Oh ya, I saw that too. I just thought we could miss them if we sped through fast enough ma.
Instructor: .....

Also I was tailgating another learner driver cause he/she turned too slowly at a stop light. Actually, "Alamak 谁叫他转到这样慢!" were my exact words.

*sheepish smile* I know, I know, the nerve of your girl. I'm gonna try and reel it in during my next lesson before karma bites me back real quick.

MONDAY PART 2

...*sheepish smile* heh yeah your neighbourhood alcohol lightweight is back.

I'm realising that it's starting to be a bi-weekly thing if we keep this up, but...okay I have no excuses for any of these. It wasn't as bad the second time round (or as my friend would like to call it, "building alcohol tolerance" lolol), but I did woke up at 3.30am with one heck of an itch. In case you didn't know, I develop rashes for no reason after I drink too much. They either happen on the spot, or continually develop throughout the days after said drinking night. I'd like to think of it as my body rejecting useless liquids but let's face it, this is most likely my body's way of punishing me for making bad decisions on a Monday night.

I remember we started out with 3 bottles of wine (2 white, 1 red) and a tray of beer but somehow it spiralled into shots of whiskey, more cups of gin & tonic than I'd like, along with some cranberry vodka and more beer for good measure. We also did not help ourselves at all by joining the peer pressure fest at the next table, resulting in all of us taking more shots than anticipated.

At one point we were playing 7-Up reverse (I am absolutely shit at this - no one should be reciting the multiplication table past 7pm) and Heart Attack with UNO cards.

Decided to cab home after the following deliberation:

Me: So how? Are we cabbing home? I can take the train la actually.
Colleague: Actually I feel like cab-
Me: OKAY THEN WE CAB.

He laughed at how fast I jumped at the opportunity of cabbing home.

I was pretty much feeling okay up till the moment I entered the cab. After plonking my ass down and going "Okay don't mind me okay I am just going to 很没有形象", I proceeded to kick off my shoes and fetus curl up against the seats. It's really a great image your girl is portraying out there every other Monday night.

I am really dreading waking up in 2 hours' time.

TECHNICIAN

A year older but it doesn't seem to reflect in my sense of humour. This is me during a very serious workshop about Deal Advisory.

Speaker: ...and so the person who is responsible for screwing the bolts onto the engine is called the screw technician.
Me: *pfft* *tries to stifle laughter*
Me: (internally) Get your shit together this is MAJORLY inappropriate to laugh at please do not embarrass yourself this way there is no way in hell you can ever live this down.
Speaker: Can you imagine going home and telling your wife that you are a screw technician?
Me: (internally) Pineapples. Pineapples. Pineapples.

Saying pineapples helps to stifle a sneeze (for me at least), so I was hoping that it might do the same to my erupting laughter.

So yes, 23 but still bearing the sense of humour of a 16 year old. 😂

FULL

Watched Nightcrawler yesterday starring Jake Gyllanhaal. For someone who hates wasting her time watching bad movies, you'd think that I would take reading synopsis more seriously.

I sat through the entire 2 hours thinking that I was watching a "revealing the origins of an X-Men" movie like Wolverine. Don't get me wrong, I don't think I've ever hated anything that Jake Gyllanhaal has been in, but a "neo-noir crime thriller" is definitely not what a girl on PMS needs on her Monday night. This movie has nothing to do with mutants, just in case you were still wondering. The title and the movie poster (is it just me or does Jake look blue in the poster?? He does right?) are both very misleading.

Side note, do you ever have an encounter that leaves you reminiscing (???ew???) over that particular encounter for days to come?

-----------

Found the above unfinished post sitting in my drafts. Apparently 3 weeks ago, I was a very unsatisfied non-sypnosis reading movie junkie who hates being reminded of shitty memories.

Decided to pop by my grandma's place before a dinner date (I was telling myself that I CANNOT eat anything, lest I'll be too full for dinner)and this was the following that happened:

Grandma: Eh! 为什么没有打电话说你有来?
Me: 没有啦我只是来看你吗。怕你煮我的饭。我没有吃ah, 我等一下约我的朋友吃饭。
Grandma: (IMMEDIATELY) 你拿一碗饭来吃啦! 我刚刚煮好。
Me: Huh 不要啦! 我吃了等一下约我的朋友的时候哪里还吃得下饭!
Grandma: 是啊。.....*pauses*.....你去拿一碗饭来吃啦美姗。
Me: Huh 我-aiya okay lor.

Lolol. No one ever leaves their grandma's place with an empty stomach.

Rearranging the songs on my itunes when I came across Ryan Adam's cover of Oasis' Wonderwall.

Sometimes, just sometimes, I wish that certain memories were as easy to forget as I have convinced myself to believe. And then I'd wonder if I was as easy to forget as well.

HARDY

It's 30 minutes to Thursday and the thought of attending yet another corporate obligation on what was supposed to be my TGIF makes me feel a little...well I'm just over the entire week already.

But alas, the week is not done with me yet. /deep sigh

Can someone please turn me into a pitbull puppy instead of a slave to the corporate world? Preferably one that's nestled up against Tom Hardy's chest also because that's wayyyyy better than looking at work right now. Actually you know what, anything's better than looking at work right now.

I need sleep man, I need sleep BAD.

I DON'T WIKE IT

So...guess who scored herself a Tokyo Banana a few weeks back? I was back at work on a dreadful Saturday but it all got better when Azuki-san (obviously his real name isn't red beans, but it's not far off from his real name either, lolol) came over and gave me that. Side note, you can now measure the hugeness of my forehead in terms of Tokyo Bananas. I'd say 1.25 Tokyo Bananas wide is about right.
 
Apart from fun colleagues and childish jokes which have made the ridiculous workload slightly bearable, there has also been a spike in the amount of accidental inappropriate jokes made. Or just childish jokes in general because that's what a group of 20-something year olds are reduced to when we get together. We were talking about really buff gym guys wearing barely there tank tops with over-sized armholes when the following conversation ensued:

Me: Sometimes I just want to stick my finger in and ask them "Why so big?".
Colleague: *eyes widen* WHAT. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Me: *realises what my sentence can be misconstrued as* OH NO. OH NO NO NO NO I was talking about the hole!
Colleague: *almost dying from laughter* the hOLE??? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

For the record I was purely referring to the unnecessary largeness of their armholes and nothing else.

So yes, accidental inappropriate jokes and being neck deep in work is what I have been up to. Well that, along with meeting up with some of my favourite people to hang out with because what else is going to keep me sane?

Time has just been flying by like nobody's business lately and it's making me freak out just a little to say the least. I have barely enough sleep time during the weekdays as it is, and yet these are the thoughts that consume me whenever I let my mind wander off too far. Have I been doing enough to reach my goals? At what point does the feeling of adulthood finally settle in? The almost-quarter life crisis gets real sometimes. But a ruffled mind leads to a restless pillow in the night, so I try not to let it go too far off the edge. Maybe I'm thinking too hard about it. Maybe being an adult after all, is just doing what needs to be done while muttering "I don't wike it" under your breath a lot.

Who knows?

EARNED IT

*deletes "From The Fifty Shades of Grey Soundtrack" from the song title*
*deletes "Fifty Shades of Grey Soundtrack" as the album name and replaces it with "Unknown" instead*
*deletes the album artwork because it was the poster of Fifty Shades of Grey*

...all while I fervently regret the amount of time I wasted spent reading all 3 of the damn books because I succumbed to pop culture and was curious about the hype surrounding these books. Also, despite finding the whole storyline immensely ridiculous early on, I still couldn't stop myself from finishing the series because I hate not completing book series.

By the way, if you are curious as to how ridiculous the story line was, it ended with a pregnant lady fighting and eventually shooting a revengeful boss who was fired because of his sexual harassment ways, all in an effort to save her husband's sister who was kidnapped by said ex-boss. Pregnant lady also pretended to break up with her husband whilst trying to wipe out their joint account so that she has enough money for the ransom demanded by the ex-boss.

I also vaguely remember a paragraph detailing how he forced her to pee in front of him after she woke up from the coma after the fight (of course she fell into a bloody coma, because what this story is lacking is more drama) because he wanted to make sure that she was alright. During urination. Because turning around or leaving the bathroom door unlocked is clearly a gross negligence.

His whole intense personality was rationalized under the cloak of his childhood trauma (abusive father, drugged up whore of a mother) when he was only 3 or 4 years old. After which he was adopted by a rich ass family who provided him with nothing but love and wealth and tools for success. Perhaps I'm not as perceptive when it comes to the lasting impacts of childhood trauma, but all the while I was like...dude, just get over it already would you? You are clearly more than compensated for for the first 3 horrible years of your life. Just get on with it and stop trying to use it as some sort of tragic back story for your actions already la!

So yes, I am clearly trying my best to move on from the shame of reading Fifty Shades. But The Weeknd's song...GOD DAMN IT.

I'm going to have to indulge in this song by deleting all traces of Fifty Shades, but god damn is this song...worth it. *sniggers to self because of song pun I just made*

DREAD

Where my fitness level is currently at: Sweating buckets upon buckets (it's really gross to be honest) after a 25 minute cardio session which I struggled to finish, only to contemplate ordering KFC and trying out their new bandito pocket flavours because my stomach is empty. I'll probably force myself to be satisfied with an apple after I shower, but god damn do I really want to have fried chicken right now.

Where my memory level is currently at:
Not remembering what app I have on my home screen. I must have somehow deleted it whilst snoozing the gabillion alarms that I have set in the morning, but I really cannot recall what damn app it was. It must have been an app that I used often...I think? I really have no clue, so my homescreen has just got to deal with an empty corner for the time being.

Where my energy to take on the new week is currently at:
................nowhere to be found. I just want to bury myself in the sheets, have someone pet my hair and then tell me that the weekends are extended to Wednesday.

PMS

18th March, 2015
Inside Orchard Central's toilet right now and Fall Out Boy's music isn't doing much except impede my bowel movements. Goddammit.

25th March, 2015
So...apparently my bowel movements were slowed down by Fall Out Boy a week ago.

('bout a week agooo week agooo)

Today has been an entire day of lethargy and irritability, coupled with having 1 salted caramel krispy kreme after lunch and then shamelessly muching on seaweed potato chips and strawberry cheesecake ice cream right now.

Has there ever been a clearer indication of PMS?

I'm for sure going to regret my dietary (or lack of) choices the next day, but for right now...fuck it man.

Did I mention that I have been craving spaghetti and meatballs since forever? Seriously though. Browsing through Stefan Struve's twitter pictures are making me really hungry.

What is this post even about. All coherence is lost on me.

STAY SEVENTEEN

9th March

Someone please tell me that ranch sauce is some kind of miracle hair conditioner sent from the Gods of Condiments.

Because I cannot 

14th March

I have the above half-post sitting in my drafts folder for over 5 days before even remembering that I had typed that out in the first place. I think it's safe to say that "because I cannot" is a pretty creepy way to leave a sentence hanging.

But yes, throwback to 5 days ago when I tried to open a small plastic container of ranch which ended in a disaster because half of its contents landed on my hair, neck and dress. It's freshly washed hair too by the way, (all my long haired girls would feel me on this) so you could only imagine the exasperation I felt.

Ranch isn't even that great tasting to be honest.

But yes, I'm now in the train on my way home trying not to be overly conscious about the plaster I have wrapped around the monstrosity that is my big toenail. I had accidentally stubbed my toe against the cupboard a few weeks back while I still had nail polish on, only to remove it a few days later only to find out that half of it had already peaced out from the nail bed. I apologise for the graphic description but that's the second time in probably 3 years that this has happened to me and that is just unacceptable.

Toe nails flipping out on your nail beds should never be a thing.

Oh yes, back to my train ride. The guy sitting beside me earlier on had on a super nice smelling cologne and you best believe that I was taking extra inhalations before he alighted. It's not overly musky or overpowering (seriously A&F, you need to chill and take several seats with your scents), just really clean and fresh and manly at the same time. Dude smells really good is my point.

 Now...what else can I update this space with. 

How about songs that are playing on my ipod recently? In no particular order,

1. J.Cole, 2014 Forest Hills Drive

2. Maroon 5, V

3. Old school Fall Out Boy, specifically Infinity on High

4. The Weeknd, Kiss Land

5. Old school All Time Low, in preparation for their latest Future Hearts album

There is just something about music that you listened to when you were a teenager (so say...14-18?) that you never really give up on. Perhaps it's the mix of nostalgia that harks back to simpler times, or it's just whatever music you were listening to during your formative years, but for me it'll always be pop punk with a heavy emphasis on All Time Low. And I mean heavy with a capital H, because god only knows how many folders of pictures and illegally downloaded songs of them I had on my computer. 

.

.

.

Plus who am I kidding. My bluetooth name was "Meishan Gaskarth/Barakat/Merrick/Dawson" for the longest time leh. Lolol. So yes, I doubt I'll ever give up on listening to All Time Low. I remember coming across a Tumblr post a few days back that just said "STAY SEVENTEEEEEEEEN" and it just brought back an unprecedented ton of feels.

Stay seventeen, the party scene has got the best of me and you 

We've got to let this go

Drink up, last call before the sunrise sets the scene,

Of empty bottles, heavy hearts,

The memories of broken dreams

We were so tired, yet so alive

Wrapped up in lies like sheets of another one night stand,

You know you left the girl with nothing but the sunrise through the window panes,

Where tired eyes will close

Stay seventeen, the party scene has got the best of me and you 

We've got to let this go

 Has it really been 6 full years since I was seventeen? God damn.

TOAST

Sunday mornings, aka "how many pieces of toast and an obscene amount of jam can I stuff into my face before I fall into a deep carbohydrate slumber?". The answer is still pending at 2 because I was just browsing through UFC fighters' and their girlfriends' instagram accounts and it's making me second guess my toast binge.

I really, really love toast and jam. Well, mostly just jam if we're being honest because homegirl over here has an incredibly large sweet tooth.

Throwback to a company dinner last week where I had to share a plate with my colleague cause I was stuffed from a late lunch. And I use "share a plate" very loosely because we only had 2 sotong balls, 1 hashbrown and 2 mini cream puffs sitting on our plate.

Colleague: Eh who wants cake?
Me: I'm very full already eh..........but okay la I'll have a slice.

Colleague: I'm very full already leh.
Me: Me too.
.
.
. (spots uneaten slice of cake on the table)
.
.
But lemme just holla at that 2nd slice of cake real quick.

Apparently my stomach knows no cake limit. Or any limit when it comes to pastries or desserts or sweets or chocolate actually.

You know what? I'm just going to have some more toast and jam la.

LUMBER

Flipped through a magazine during breakfast toady and I came across the word "lumbersexual". You know how "metrosexual" is used to describe men who spend more time grooming themselves? Lumbersexuals are just metrosexuals with beards. Because somehow, having a beard is the only qualifying factor you need to become a lumberjack.

I just...can't. This has got to be one of the most stupid terms I've come across ever since "bae", which I initially thought was just a ghetto spelling of "babe" but it turns out to be an acronym for "before anything else".

That being said, I ain't mad at the at look though, because apparently being "lumbersexual" means looking like this:

(L-R: Charlie Hunnam (repping the entire Sons of Anarchy cast), Alexander Gustafsson, Conor McGregor)

So if  "lumbersexual" just means "hot men with beards" then...I'm down with whatever lame name social media is deeming this look as. Because how can a girl possibly stay mad at something that looks like that /inserts heart eyes emoji.

But let's move on to a different topic. 

Who caught UFC 184 this afternoon?

1. RONDA FUCKING ROUSEY.

14 seconds? 14 seconds to finish a fight?? God damn, to think that I thought that 16 seconds was already a beast of a timing when she had beaten Alexis Davis back in July. Ronda is just an absolute beast of a warrior. So who is left for the UFC to put against Ronda? Miesha Tate 3.0? Cat Zingano 2.0? I could not think of anyone who is even remotely close to being a considerable competitor for Ronda Rousey at this moment.

2. ELLENBERGER VS KOSCHECK'S NECK

Finally a win for Ellenberger! Definitely a much deserved win (and performance of the night) after coming off of 3 losses. Gotta give Koscheck his due props because he was already foaming at his mouth before even considering tapping out. We all know about Ellenberger's knockout power, so just imagine the same power (or more) being wrapped around your neck. No doubt that Josh Koscheck is going to have a rough few nights with his neck after today.

...and that's all I can remember from UFC 184.

By now you must be thinking, "Oh wow Meishan, you must be quite free today to be able to write this post ah!". But you are wrong. You are very wrong. I have promised my cousin to help him with his write up (aka turn his points into a full 500 words essay) and have brought home a ton of work to clear, but here I am, procrastinating it all by writing this damn post - including finding photos and making a collage of "lumbersexuals" - because I am really dreading doing anything remotely productive.

I just want to bury myself under my sheets and have someone tell me that my weekend is extended till Wednesday.

SQUIRREL!

Have a little free time on my hands so I decided to update this space instead of waiting for an entire month/when something unhappy happens and I need to vent.

Because typing in coherent paragraphs about what's been going on in my life is not exactly my forte, I'm just going to do what I do best - lists. Here's a list of things about my life...recently.

1) I've been up all night, tryin' to get that rich, I've been work, work, work, work, working on my shit.

Except I am neither 16 or living in Miami. Plus I have no Louboutins to walk in - although I highly doubt that I could walk in them even if I tried.Can someone explain to me why sartorial restrictions exist again? Aren't all of them just socially constructed rules borne under the crushing pressure of capitalism? What I wouldn't give to live in tank tops and skinny (ripped) jeans all day long. Because what's my wardrobe without articles of clothing with intentionally made holes in them to fulfill my inner rock void...and to also facilitate air ventilation la, because holy shit is it hot as balls recently.

2) Void of Valentine's/CNY

Walked through the mall today and saw a bunch of men crammed inside Pandora and wondered to myself "That's weird. Why are there so many guys? What special day is- ohhhhhHHHhhHHhhh".

Bunch of men = Panicking boyfriends/spouses looking for a last minute Valentine's Day gift.

I don't remember if I have mentioned this before but I used to not give a tiny rat's ass (Phoebe from Friends' reference) about Valentine's Day. It didn't matter if I was with someone or not, I just couldn't care less about making another day spent together even more significant than any of the other days. I don't know what has changed, or how to classify my current feels towards Valentine's, but this would be the second year running that I'm feeling this way so...Void of Valentine's 2.0?


---

The above was written the week of Valentines' Day and I guess it goes without saying that I have in fact,  extremely overestimated the amount of free time I have. Hahaha. So there you have it, two points about the not so recent updates regarding my life. I have been completely swallowed by work and more work so I guess there isn't much to be updated anyway.

Feeling oddly driven at this moment but that might be the result of an overdose of adrenaline and caffeine. But the bottom line is that life has been good recently. So, till next time! I wonder who still reads this space. Anyone who misses my half-assed UFC reviews and random thought vomits? Which reminds me, I caught the Frank Mir vs Bigfoot fight on my phone during the train ride and WHAT IN THE WORLD. Frank Mir's left hook didn't even look like it connected la! The size of my phone screen might have something to do with it but seriously, I would have never anticipated that that hook would be the one that knocked Bigfoot out. Good on you Frank Mir.

Next up, Luke Rockhold (/insert heart eyes emoji because he is quite the cutie pie) vs Lyoto Machida (also another pie) and the long awaited Ronda Rousey vs Cat Zingano.

 Pie reference in HD for your viewing pleasure.

 
So yes, two bad ass warriors and two pies to look forward to.

What was the point of this update again? Oh yes, my caffeine and adrenaline high. I feel like the dog Doug (is that his name or did I just pull that out of my ass?) from the movie Up who screams "squirrel!" every time he sees one.

Caffeine!